If I Knew
by tiggery bear
Summary: What happens when Itachi does something unforgivable to an innocent fangirl? Find out by clicking that blue thingy on top of this. Starring: ItachiXRandomGirl
1. Chapter 1

oOo If I Knew oOo

Itachi is a dirty, perverted, bitter, menacing, shitty bastard in this fanfic. His pairing is my good friend 'X'. She has a mad obsession over Itachi so I decided to fulfill her fantasies with this short fanfic. It might end up as 3 chapters only because I have no idea what the plot is. Believe me, this fanfic sux. If you don't like meager, nooby writing skills than continue.

You have been warned.

If I Knew : really gay name, sorry people, my creativity skills are null. I suggest you listen to Kaigan Doori by Asian Kung Fu Generation while you read this, not this chapter, but later on. It makes this story less nooby-some. You can't find this song anywhere. If you can't find it, email me and Gaara will find you a link. Not required whatsoever.

* * *

Chapter 1- _That_ Incident, _that _Girl

'Itachi-kun!' chorused about half the school's population as the tall, solemn boy walked through the school doors.

One of the girls was squealing madly and jumping to get a better view of the honored Uchiha Itachi.

'ITACHI! SIGN MY BOOKS WILLYA!' she screamed at the top of her voice.

silence

No one spoke a word. All the girls there would also die to get something signed by Itachi but no one would ask in such an unmannered way. Everybody knew Itachi liked cute girls that were shy and timid, not some weird boisterous freak.

Everyone turned to look at the girl who was still jumping like mad, screaming her guts out to get Itachi's attention.

Itachi turned and looked at her. He smirked and laughed inwardly.

'_Freak' _he thought.

One of his followers whispered something in his ears.

'How about the good old "break-a-girl's-heart" ritual, eh?' laughed the boy who had shark-like teeth. 'They end up crying and running to the washroom. It's hilarious the way they revert immediately back to themselves the next day.'

Itachi smirked again. Today was a fair-weathered day. A good day to ruin someone's life.

'You remember that Reid girl?' laughed the boy standing behind Itachi. 'She friggin' threw herself off the portable trying to commit suicide. What stupidity, she only broke her leg and had to stay in the hospital for rehabilitation two months.'

'Good times, ne?

Itachi merely smirked at the comment. Girls were merely entertainment. They squealed at his every movement and would totally rub their bodies against him. Sure, it was sexual harassment, but, hey, he didn't mind. Girls, women. teachers, everybody worshipped and respected him. He was the 'one'. Heck, his brother was pushed aside and considered a 'mistake'.

People would look at Itachi then him and say "what happened?' and shake their heads and look away. Itachi always beat Sasuke in everything, not even the age difference could be blamed for it. People mocked Sasuke.

But, this story is not about sibling feuds. Nor is about Itachi's version of Icha Icha Paradise. This is about a heartless guy who learns that he going to be a lonely old man if he doesn't get his act together.

Itachi cracked his neck and walked towards the screaming fan girl. Loud whispers and hushed voices were echoing down the hallway.

'Oh my gosh, he's walking toward her.'

'Eww man, look at her clothes, they were like, so totally bought at some granny place for like under 100 dollars.'

'Ugh. What an ugly bitch.'

Of course, these comments were repeated every time Itachi paid specific attention to a single girl. In the end all these girls would fake sorrow and attempt to comfort the girl who had surely been dissed by Itachi. They would fake the kind smiles and soft comforting voice while inside their head they were rejoicing.

Itachi's footsteps resounded as he walked closer to the fan girl.

'Itachi-san, can you please sign my mangas, plus magazines and-' (this girl has a mad obsession over manga and all the famous people she meets gets to sign ALL her favorite mangas which is about 24…26…(rants on) so you should feel sorry for Itachi)

Itachi smirked and placed a finger on the girl's rapidly moving lips.

Silence.

Itachi leaned closed to the girl, so close that their noses were about 3 centimeters away.

The girl was silent and stared into the eyes of her obsession.

'What's your name?' asked Itachi as he removed his finger.

The girls in the hallway were immediately calm. It was always this procedure.

'My-my name is…'

Whispers once again coursed through the hallway.

'That girl must be new to the school; she doesn't even know the procedure.'

Itachi smiled warmly at the girl.

'You're new, eh?'

The girl nodded curtly.

He took the assortment of objects she was holding, casually touching her hand in the process.

Itachi began to scribble on the books rapidly as the rabid fan girl's temperature rose to her cheeks.

Itachi smirked at the reaction and smirked evilly. He handed the stack of books to the girl and leaned closed to her face again. He was a head taller than her so he was bent over.

'Itachi…san…' whispered the girl.

Itachi was leaning to the girl's left side and the girl was blushing harder than ever. Itachi's warm breath was grazing her left cheek and he said in a soft voice.

'You're…'

The girl's eyes were almost shut in the exhilarating feeling of it all.

'You're…as…beautiful…'

The girl blushed harder.

'You're as beautiful as my ass.'

SHOCK

The girl's eyes widened. Itachi stood straight and smirked. He could see tears welling up in the girl's eyes. Smirk

The girl's eyes lowered to the magazines in her hand. He had gratified them all. They were covered in swear words and disses. Men had boobs and women had male reproductive organs and characteristics. (I mean pen15s and moustaches)

The girl's tears in the girl's eyes swelled. They were her favorite mangas. She spent hours working at McDonalds and other dumpy places to earn the money to purchase them. They were ruined, decorated with black permanent marker.

The girl's eyes suddenly turned from the hurt and sad eyes to a deep glare.

Her dead grandfather's very last present that he bought with his retirement money.

The last memoir.

In the second page, where a blurry but memorable photograph of her beloved grandfather was attached to, there was a message:

'Gay old faggot' was written over her grandfather's photo.

Her grandfather had boobs and a lot of pubic hair with a bikini.

She felt the world start to spin. Her head felt suddenly very heavy and something seemed to block her throat. She couldn't swallow. She could barely breathe.

'He…. did…this?'

She could barely take the truth. Her brain was screaming. The Itachi she knew was a kind an wonderful boy, no, not boy, but a responsible man.

'Hey, look, if you want to cry and tell a teacher go ahead.' said the shark-toothed boy. 'But no ones gonna believe you.'

The crowd of girls had come over their disgust and put on masks of pity.

'Ohhh…. its okay, everybody has times like these.' they said in mock pity.

But the girl didn't hear anything. Her head was ringing.

Itachi merely put on his cool guy pose and turned sharply as a sign of rejection.

'Why…'

Everyone stopped talking.

Itachi stopped on his tracks.

'-why…'

Itachi smirked, he started walking again. Girls were always like this. They moaned in sorry at first then the next day they would start obsessing over you.

But this time, it was silent except the soft breathing of the girl.

Itachi turned his head slightly.

The crowd started talking again.

'Shut the hell up!'

Itachi turned more.

'Why…'

Everyone was shocked at the outburst.

'Why…'

Itachi turned to look at the girl head on.

'WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH!'

Everyone gasped, well except for the girl and Itachi.

Itachi smirked. 'Well, it takes a bitch to know a bitch so if I am one, you ar-'

'WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM! ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SCRIBBLE ALL OVER THESE BOOKS?'

'Well, bitch, you told me to sign them, and my signature is all over them. If you are so pissed then Shark Boy (LOOOLLL) will buy you knew ones.'

'Wha-' began SharkBoy.

'YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GOOD, EH! BUYING ME NEW ONES! CAN YOU BUY SOMETHING THAT MY GRANDFATHER LEFT FOR ME!'

'It's your fault, you should have treated it better than. Your grandfather must be disappointed in you then, his granddaughter treats his last pos-'

Itachi never finished that sentence.

-SMACK-

Gasps were even louder this time.

Itachi's beautiful face was red on one side.

'WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!' screamed the girls in the crowd, except, their insults were much too explicit to place in this fanfic.

Itachi was speechless. No one. Dared. To. Slap. Him. No one.

But he didn't have the chance to retaliate. The maniac girl had run out of sight.

* * *

WELL…that was an inter-school incident where every girl in that region wanted to murder _that_ girl.

She had become quite famous but she was never seen again. Well, no one knew her name or anything about her so no one would actually know whom it was. Besides, that was years ago, today, girls wear so much make-up that no one can tell who is who. But the incident lingered in the back of their memories, forgotten yet remembered. Recollected when gossip was low. The story had been tainted with so many stitches and snippets that it was now Itachi who was the victim.

'Remember that ugly hag with the blotchy skin and buckteeth and that awful tattoo with the bulldog tatooon her cheek?'

'Yeah, just cuz Itachi told her that he couldn't lose his cherry to her because they were too young, she nearly killed him!'

'Oooh…poor Itachi-chan, that girl kicked him in the balls and nearly caused permanent damage.'

'How do you know _nearly_?'

Even Itachi began to believe these new stories, but through and through this incident was just a snippet of what was to come. What was to come? Well, Itachi would probably kill to take out that incident. That incident would cost him. A lot.

End of Chapter 1

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EXPLANATION!

Itachi: Well, you may be wondering why the hell everyone is so obsessed with this guy. He is actually a model for billions of teen magazines so he's practically god.

Another point is that I'm very sorry for Itachi fans out there. I don't hate him but I couldn't find another guy that deserves a wonderful girl but has a bad attitude in Naruto. I actually find Itachi very cool compared to his brother. Sorry.

Sasuke: The poor little bastard who is hiding in the corner of my room glaring at me for writing my previous fanfic. (slaps) QUIT STARING AT MY TOES DAMMIT!

Girl: You dunno her name yet but starting from the next chapter it will be from her perspective. But no one knows that she's the girl who the "Itachi got bitch-slapped" incident. You get too see her life as a high school student in my school. LOL.

Sorry teachers and best buddies, but you're in this fanfic too. So is Gaara. And Kakashi. Briefly though.

Overall, if you hate me because of this fanfic then complain using my email. Don't post mean reviews please, unless you're anonymous. I'll cry if you do.

Oh and if you find any errors in my fanfic, blame Gaara, he's slacking off on the job.

EDIT IT DAMMIT!

Gaara: zZZZZzzzzZZZZzZZZZzzzz…

sigh…oh well. Sorry for everything.

KaWaIIII BONUS!

'Itachi-san, why am I shark boy?' asked Shark-Boy.

'Look at the mirror man, your teeth are scarrryy…'

(looks)

'Not that much, they're just sharp enough to bite through a metal bar…'

'Getta load of you're skin man, its all scaly and _ew_'

'But Itachi-san, how do you keep you're beautiful skin so pale and smooth?'

'Well, duh, I use like Neutrogena and Glysomed creams!'

'Hmm….maybe I should too…'

Weeks later, SharkBoy had to be rushed to the hospital due to the acute allergic reactions caused by the creams to his poor gills.'

PS: I was originally going to use this idea to support a SasuNaru fanfic since I found writing them very amusing. However, I promised my friend NEVER to write them again. sue her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay I did this in like…short minutes okay so wth I don't care really, go away if you don't like crappy rushed stuff…**

**Gaara: Like usual...man she made it confusing this time...if you see bolded things its itachi , italics are flashbacks and normal is 'the girl'.**

* * *

**Itachi walked down the hallway with his cool new shades and brand-name clothing.**

**'Worth it posing for those middle aged ladies…' thought Itachi.**

**He had just signed another contract to wear clothing. Heck, he didn't care, he was getting paid dammit! Paid to wear clothes!**

**Girls dropped their books and stared in awe at the tall, handsome boy who was too cool to be true.**

* * *

'Ehhh…what the heck…I only got an 89 for this!' a girl with glasses shrieked as she looked over her essay. 'Damn, the stupid fat geography teacher, damn you!'

'HAHA! Look at what I got! All you need to do is flirt with him and you get awesome marks! It's obvious isn't it? He writes all those porn books…' said another girl.

'Shut up Ellie, you have 36, 20, 36 man…'

'Well it's not my fault you're ugly!'

Sitting at the same table was the one girl who ever stood against Itachi, well, everyone in the 'Study Hall' during lunch was nerds who were so preoccupied with their studies to care about Itachi.

But that girl could have won any guys heart, except she wasn't that type of person.

She wore a large, black hoodie with black pants. Well, to tell you the truth, she would be camouflaged if she stood against a black background. On the outside, heh, just another weird, creepy goth. On the inside she was still burning from that moment Itachi broke everything she thought she believed in.

* * *

_'I want that cd! Pleassee! PLEASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE!' a young girl stood pointing at a CD with Itachi doing a cool-don't-touch-me pose._

_'No.'_

_'Please!' cried the girl._

_'No.'_

_'Come on, he isn't like those foolish guys who sing one song that makes it in the chart then goes downhill! He has feeling in his words! '_

* * *

'Hey! Wake up Aiko!' the girl with glasses half-shouted.

The girl with the hoodie snapped back to life.

'I told you not to call me that!'

The girl with the glasses half glared at her. 'It was somewhat conspicuous that your hormones were elevated by the contemporary workload which consequently resulted in you abnormally more depressed than accustomed.'

The other girl sitting with them made a 'tch' sound and looked away.

'Look, I'm okay, just stop calling me Aiko.'

'What's wrong with Aiko anyways?' said the girl WITHOUT the glasses

'Ellie, you are popular and pretty not nerds like us, go away!' the girl with glasses half-shouted at her with futile actions.

'Tch, whatever Alex.' said Ellie. 'Look, why do you want us to call you Cearo anyways, its stupid.'

The hooded girl remained silent.

The two other girls took it as a dismissal and continued their argument about marks.

* * *

_Aiko lay on the bed with her headphones on listening to the cd._

_**Death, die, whatever**_

_**Just make sure this lasts forever**_

_**Don't dream about nothing**_

_**When you've got something**_

_**Don't turn your eyes away from me**_

_**It's not her, then or she**_

_Aiko just loved his voice. She loved his style and his inspirational words. He was such a cool, solemn person on TV but Aiko knew better. She had joined his fanclub and knew he was a kind person inside fighting away all the negatives about teenage rock stars._

_**I'm the one you want,**_

_**No time to fool around**_

_**Don't try to be cool**_

_**Don't try to be flaunt**_

_**Just know foreva, I'm here**_

_**He's nothing**_

_**Lemme feel your hear in my ear**_

_Aiko almost sung along if her sister was not sleeping in her room. 'One day' she thought, 'One day she'll meet him and they'll discover what is forever.'_

* * *

Aiko lay on the backyard porch. The sun was gleaming small rays through the dense clouds above. She glared at the sun.

It was the only thing that saw her face now. The pretty face had gone pale and the light flush that once dominated her cheeks were not there anymore. Computer games and cloak-like garments had stolen her youthful looks and turned her into a pale creature.

She lay on the grass staring at the sky through the one-sided glass box. No one would even know she was there. It was those dumb magic trick things that her dad had used.

A small droplet suddenly fell.

No it wasn't her crying, it was the sky crying as if acting on her side.

Those memories of her naïve and stupid past haunted her like a repetitive movie. She tried as hard as she could to push it out of her mind and live on. But…she couldn't…she had loved Itachi that much.

The droplets fell faster, smacking the glass. Aiko stared at them, unblinkingly.

She willed them to stop…she willed them to stop falling…

The raindrops only fell harder.

'If I knew he was such a bastard…' she thought in frustration.

She kicked the glass in frustration and it made a hollow _ping_ noise. She shut her eyes and willed it all away.

* * *

**Itachi looked around the room. A whole new year for him to start messing around. All the female teachers loved him and aced all his assignments. He smiled at his French teacher. The teacher blushed slightly and looked away.**

**All he needed to do was to continue this. On the outside all he would be a cool, murderous like guy and everyone would fall for him. Guys and girls alike.**

**The only problem was his Computers class. He had failed last year and he didn't care much as long as everything else pulled his average up. The computer class was a dork class where the only things the teacher did was sit at the front of the class staring at his laptop and typing away at mustang speed or doing whatever he chose. As long as everyone was silent, he didn't care much.**

**He handed out all the assignments and projects out at the beginning of the year and told them all to finish it by the end. He just looked at it and passed the student.**

**However, Itachi being the rebel of the class merely glared at the computer screen. Everyone in the class was nerds. None of them cared about Itachi and his 23 in the course, none of them could be intimidated by Itachi's superiority.**

**So, therefore, Itachi just failed the course without a doubt.**

* * *

'HAH! I'm done! YEAHH! Free time for the rest of the year!' exclaimed Alex.

'Oh come on…I don't get this assignment man, it tells you to label every piece of hardware but the lamp isn't included right?'

'What? There's a lamp…oh shit.'

Aiko merely typed away furiously, ignoring her friends' quarrel. She had finished everything way sooner and was in a chat room.

_articSURFclam: 'So…what's your name?'_

_demonOfdemons: 'I don't know you'_

_articSURFclam: 'Hey! We go to the same school don't we?'_

_demonOfdemons: 'So…?'_

_articSURFclam: 'Just tell me, I know you're in my computer's class right here right now…'_

_demonOfdemons: 'So…?'_

_articSURFclam: 'Come on…okay fine, whatever…do you play FFF?'_

_demonOf demons: 'YEAH! What level are you? I'm still a noob…'_

_articSURFclam: 'Eh…well I'm just level 20…'_

_demonOfdemons: HAH! PWN YOU…I'M LEVEL 56!'_

Aiko actually giggled inwardly…she hadn't talked to much guys who shared her obsession over online games.

_articSURFclam: 'HAH PWN YOU EVEN MORE! I just leveled to 92!'_

_demonOfdemons: 'Oh.'_

_articSURFclam: 'Look…if you do my homework, I'll level you!'_

_demonOfdemons: '…'_

_articSURFclam: 'So…what do you say?'_

Aiko considered it.

_demonOfdemons: 'Okay.'_

_articSURFclam: 'WHOOHHOOO! YEAH! I LUV YA! OKAY, HERE'S MY EMAIL, JUST SEND ME THE HOMEWORK AND I'LL LEVEL YOU! g2g…bai!_

**_1:46 PM: articSURFclam has left the room._**

Aiko's heart fluttered slightly but she willed it to stay calm. The words 'I love you' made her slightly uneasy.

* * *

**'Hey Itachi! I just met this girl who can do our homework for us!' Kisame half-shouted.**

**Itachi smirked.**

**Just before class started, Mr. Hatake (computer teacher, no relation to Kakashi or else Alex/ Ellie would be madly in love with him.) had just yelled at him and said he never met such a stupid student before.**

**He even said he was sure he would fail this course.**

**Itachi was rarely ticked off, but Mr. Hatake was just plain pushing it. He smirked harder as he thought of the possible 90 and up that he could shove into that old and graying man.**

**Yep, this year was gonna be fine as long as that demon-girl/guy was gonna help him out.**

* * *

Aiko sneezed.

* * *

**END!**

**Gaara: O…kay…**

**TB: My, dearest Gaara, you doth teachest the torches to burn bright! **

**Gaara: (edges away) Um…**

**TB: OH GAAARA! IF I WERE A GLOVE ON YOUR HAND!**

**Gaara: Oh…Shakespeare eh, yeah, he kills writing skills.**

**TB: Refuse thy father and deny thy name…**

**Gaara: Oh shut up…(knocks TB unconscious) Er…okay, next time she updates will be after Easter…if she wakes up…**


End file.
